“if only you could see”
February 2007
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We could stick around and see this night through.
Are you out there? It's so lonely where I am. But still I sit outside, cigarette between my fingers, and once again my mind drifts to you. When I walk outside, in the cool dark of night, I look towards the sky and sigh. I see the moon and stars. I wonder if you can see them too. Can you see my reflection in the moon? In your mind? Do you think of me when I think of you? I walk out into the field, the sound of insects and cars passing by are my melody. They sing songs of love and longing. And I long for you. It isn't often I let my mind wander, but I can't help it when you're no longer here.
Sometimes I wonder about how my presence affects people. People I know and people I don't know. For some reason, they leave a strong imprint on me and I want to know more about them. The guy who stopped at the gravel parking lot to photograph the lighting striking in the night sky. The guy who spoke kind words to me in the hall at school, he put on a smile on my face and he noticed. A simple morning greeting. The one who worked at the ice cream shop on that day two years ago. He gave me a hug as tears ran down my face. The ice cream wasn't even important anymore. In that moment, only two people mattered: the girl that traveled out of her way to be with her friend, and redefined friendship for me, and the guy with the chemistry tattoos on his arm that worked at the ice cream shop, who made me feel good about the general kindness of people.
There are some words I'd like to say to describe how I feel. I'm not quite sure how they'll sound on paper, or rather, on computer screen, but let's see.
You are nothing short of a mystery and a wonder. You put a smile on my face and I don't know how or why. Intrigue surrounds you. And whenever I'm with you, the world seems alright. Time passes by and I don't notice until it's time to go. And how I wish I didn't have to go. The day goes by and I feel like I just exist within it, and nothing really matters. Nothing except you. Can you promise to hold my hand?
If I should be so bold, I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand.
I't's a nice feeling, to know that someone loves you. And one day, I hope to return the favor.
