“if only you could see”

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I'm finding it difficult to put into words the story in my mind. Or at least, the idea of a short story I wanted to write. It wasn't going to be anything special, it rarely is. But I promised myself I'd keep writing, so I think that's what I'll do.

Do you ever find yourself fantasizing about mundane things? Sometimes whenever I'm walking to work and I'm listening to music on my phone, I think about how I'd like to be dancing to the song with someone or maybe a small group of people. We're all just jamming out and dancing, our bodies filled with the collective energy of the song. It doesn't have to be organized dancing or whatever, but just fun and carefree. Maybe we're in someone's room, jumping on the bed, singing at the top of our lungs- or maybe it's just you and me, and we're moving our bodies and not caring about what the other is thinking, but just that we're together and we've let go of all the thoughts that weigh us down and other silly things we have holding us back.

I really want a car. I want to be able to just drive somewhere. I really miss driving. I miss driving by myself. I miss turning the music up really loud and singing at the top of my lungs, following someone on the highway so I feel less alone, or making up fake scenarios in my head, like what I'd do if a t-rex just plowed through the trees and would I brake or keep driving? Honestly at highway speeds, I think I could outrun a t-rex, but something that massive would probably take up most of the space on the lanes of the highway and think about the people around me, they'd probably screech to a halt and my only option would be to stop as well. I guess I'd base my actions on the actions of those around me.

Really, I just want to see the stars. Like we did earlier this year for the meteor shower, I'd say there was six or seven of us? And we just piled into the truck and drove out into the country on some lonely gravel road, parked, and laid in the bed of the truck with our eyes towards the heavens and watched as the shooting stars left their imprints in the sky. We were out there for a couple of hours, I don't think we had anything on our minds other than, where should we look next?

Where should I look next? Where should I go? What should I do? What will I do when I get there?

I feel a little bit distant from all the things I once knew. Is this a natural distance or did I create this space?