“if only you could see”

February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2010 June 2010 September 2010 October 2010 January 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 August 2011 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 August 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 May 2015 May 2016 June 2016 July 2016 December 2016 June 2017 July 2017 June 2018 November 2020 December 2020 April 2021 November 2021

From up here the only sound was the rustling of her shirt in the strong wind. She toed the edge of the rooftop, and as she looked down, her heart sank and she felt as though the distance between her and the ground was impossibly large. She longed to close her eyes but she couldn't. She inhaled deeply, counted to three, leaned forward and soon gravity took care of the rest.


Right before hitting the sidewalk, she found herself awake with her face buried in her pillow. She slowly pushed herself up, arms wobbling and heart threatening to beat out of her chest. A cursory glance around her reassured her not only was she alive and awake, but she was safe in her own home as well. Just as dark as it always was, having no windows, she only had one way to tell the time. She crawled to the edge of her bed, and groped the darkness. Her hands found the rectangular device on her bedside table, and she gave the button on top a firm press. The digitally illuminated numbers read 0937. She didn't quite oversleep, but she also didn't wake up as early as she had hoped. The false light filled the room with blue green light, and she sat up and looked around. There were no pictures on the wall, no mirrors, and nothing except for the door that lead out of her room. She sighed and slowly got out of bed. The wooden floor chilled her bare feet, but she didn't mind so much. She stretched her arms upward and and curved her back. She walked to the door and slowly turned the handle. It lead to a hallway with three options: a bathroom, a closet, and the kitchen. Artificial lights lined the hallway that would light as she passed them. After pulling a towel from the closet, she made her way to the bathroom, its only occupants a sink, a toilet, and a walk in shower with floor drain. She took off her only article of clothing, an over sized white shirt, and dropped it on the floor near the toilet, along with the towel. She stepped into the shower and pressed a button on the wall. From above, water fell and the drops were bittersweet. Warm enough to not chill her to the bone, but cold enough to leave her wanting just a bit more warmth, she washed off the dirt of previous days. She didn't waste any time, not that she could, the shower automatically shut off after five minutes. At the sink, she picked up her toothbrush, and blindly brushed away. After two minutes she felt satisfied, and rinsed out her mouth. She picked up the towel and dried herself quickly. She wrapped herself with the towel, then made her way back to the closet. She pulled out a pair of undergarments, a black shirt and black pants, a red jumpsuit to wear over it all, and a gas mask that would fully cover her face. She dressed slowly in the dull light of her room, as if each layer of clothing marked her impending doom. She stepped into the red jumpsuit, and slowly buttoned it up the front. She tucked the gas mask under her left arm. She left her room, and closed the door. She walked down the hallway and opened the door that would lead her to the kitchen. A brighter light was responsible for illuminating the kitchen. There was a small fridge, an oven, a single pantry. At the other end of the kitchen was another door. She walked to it, and stopped. She took a deep breath, and strapped on the gas mask.

Today was the day. Today was the day she would have to leave her house.