“if only you could see”

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found myself throwing something at my boyfriend today. not the first time i threw something at him. am i going crazy? if i tried to explain the things leading up to that point it would seem as though all signs are pointing to yes. he is asleep now [no surprise] and yet i still feel as though i want to be angry at him. i always feel as though he gets over things too soon and expects the same of me. but i stay angry too long [see: def. of being female] and i wonder when enough will be enough? he said "its just you and me. you dont have to prove a point." is that what i always do? try to prove a point? everything i do is calculating and cold and fits into my scheme of undermining the whole situation? what point am i trying to prove? how is it possible that he knows and sees right through me when i dont even know myself? he always is right so i have to find some way to shoot him down with my abused logic? why does he try to comfort me when his touch makes my skin crawl and i want anything but for him to touch me? i say nothing then say something and he no longer tries to comfort and then i feel even worse than before....

i dont really know what i want...