“if only you could see”

February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2010 June 2010 September 2010 October 2010 January 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 August 2011 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 August 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 May 2015 May 2016 June 2016 July 2016 December 2016 June 2017 July 2017 June 2018 November 2020 December 2020 April 2021 November 2021

Strange, how lonely it feels down here.. on my way to my apartment I had to walk in the rain (from my car) and it was quite a downpour. I'm no longer wet but still cold. everyone is sleeping or in a different city. when i can't leave and i don't know anyone, i wonder how i will feel whenever i leave this place for another one. settling down in a new city in a new state with no friends to visit on a whim. no longer forty five minutes away but seven hours, more or less. i don't do a lot for myself, i play my ds, i do puzzles in books, jigsaw puzzles, puzzle board games. i work. i have two jobs, i'm not sure how many people i have told already. i lose track of people. no contact for a while. most of the time i forget, sometimes i ignore. its almost 4am, hopefully they don't need me to go in to work tomorrow. another day off would be nice.

work work work. to be honest i'm not overworked, i think it's just right. june will be hectic though but it will be all okay in the end. i'm still unsure about what i want to do, as i always am, as i always will be. can i just be a mother? (not now, in future). take care of my son/daughter, raise him, teach him to read early on, teach him how to count, help him with homework, take him fishing, let him play sports, feed him his vegetables, watch him grow. what should i name him? niels bohr? (just kidding). but i do want to name him after something significant to me....not sure yet. want to name my daughter naylene or nailene...i think that is a pretty name... i just recently heard of it. we'll see...

sorry about lack of proper capitalization. don't feel like it. you're lucky i'm putting commas for contractions. well i think i'm going to head to bed now. i need to wake up early and call work to see if they need me or not. good night.