“if only you could see”

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again, I fall out of the habit of blogging on a relatively regular basis...

today i felt a strong urge to write, but then i read over everyone's blogs and for some reason or another, the feeling dissipates. i suppose i'll just talk about something, then.

again i feel completely worthless at what i'm doing. what i'm not doing. why am i not applying myself? it's stupid. i have no discipline. i sit and complain about it and do nothing to change my behavior. sometimes i wish i could just not do anything, but then that would only be succumbing to defeat. sometimes i feel as if it is expected of me to do something great. hmm. i really need to change my attitude towards school.

i still don't know what i want to do. LGMC, lafayette general medical center has a radiology school i could apply for. two problems: no federal financial aid, and i need documented observation in a radiology department. where do i get this? i suppose that's a question to ask them. i have all the college credit for other general classes that they asked about.

i could be a teacher. i thought about it. i could be a math teacher. i don't want to be a teacher though. but i enjoy teaching. if i were to teach, i would prefer a high school class. hmm. i don't want to do lesson plans and grade papers though. hah, with the way i procrastinate, kids would never know their grades.

it would be nice to do something medically related. being a radiographer is an ideal choice for myself because it isn't too gory (i'm not actually sure how i'd fare in a gory situation), but mostly NO NEEDLES. hah. if i didn't mind needles, i'd be an anesthesiologist, all the way.

i'm still interested in lab work though. i don't know.

third semester flew by and fourth one is coming quickly. help?