“if only you could see”
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
May 2010
June 2010
September 2010
October 2010
January 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
August 2011
August 2012
September 2012
October 2012
November 2012
August 2013
November 2013
December 2013
January 2014
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
May 2015
May 2016
June 2016
July 2016
December 2016
June 2017
July 2017
June 2018
November 2020
December 2020
April 2021
November 2021
Well I heard two men talking on the radio...
I am not sure what's worse, leaving soon, or being one of the last to leave? Gotta watch all your friends leave, then soon you'll be one of the last left. Or not even leaving at all....I don't know.
I'm really nervous about school but I'm ready to be back in that classroom setting. Mostly my math class...
I have to drive my brothers to school. I keep forgetting about that but here I am, up pretty late, and I need to get up in less than six hours..ugh. whatever. i probably have to wake them up too but i dont want to. i just want to drive them to school and go back to sleep. and fuck. i just dont want to. or rather, i wouldnt mind if i alternated with my sister doing this. but thats not going to happen. oh well im leaving soon.
leaving soon. gonna stay in an apartment, i think it's going to be pretty awesome. or at least, the idea of having my own apartment is awesome. i've been thinking about stages in a person's life, that are considered to be milestones, such as graduating high school, college, getting married, finally owning your own home, buying your first car, things like this. i was also watching people today, because work was really slow, i mostly watched the people who walked past in the mall. some mom's are really kind and sweet to their kids, and others are like GET OVER HERE, HURRY UP, SHUT UP AND STOP CRYING...i wonder about these parents. is it because of how they were raised, that they will also raise kids in this same way?
i dont want to be a bad parent. i want my child to like me. i want my child to share the same feelings about life that i have. i want my child to be...a boy or a girl? i've always liked the name ophelia. i don't know about a boy's name though.
i am afraid that i will not find good work with my major.
i am afraid that i won't like my major.
but i enjoy math. but don't want a math major because i dont want to be a teacher and i dont have the brilliance to solve any of the million dollar math problems or disprove a theorem or anything great like that.
i am worried about how my life will play out while i'm in college. i hope this apartment thing works out for us. i hope i have better cleaning habits. i'll need to have better cleaning habits.
i was talking earlier about "milestones" for humans, and i don't remember if i was going to make a point about it. we are so much different than any other mammal. duh. but still. thinking about main ways to survive. ours are very complex...i realize i might be saying things that are obvious, but i'm just talking about things that are passing through my head.
thinking too much is definitely a bad thing, unless there is a purpose to give any one particular thought special attention. if you are sitting alone, it's best to try to occupy yourself with something, anything to get your mind off reality for a bit.
i have these ideals that i'd like to learn about things that greatly interest me but i have no idea how i'd apply these things to any potential career? i don't know.
my dad's birthday is in september and i'd like to get him a new record player. i think he'd like that.
i have a box full of written memories. it's a plastic box, with a very nice lid, but it's running out of room. if i open it, papers will spill out and i need a new box to place these memories. i own too much shit, namely clothes.
Well I'm overjoyed, and I'm overloved, and I'm feeling lucky, like a little boy who's hiding under covers...
