I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

“if only you could see”

But the subject! It was magnificent.

May 15, 2008 || 1:50 PM || comment?

What would you do....with ultimate energy? How would you carry yourself, act around others? And not just others, people you know, personally; relatives, friends, relationships. But let's call ultimate energy, ultimate power. The ability to do ANYTHING. Would you be consumed by that power? Or do you think that it only happens to certain people, who never had power before, and don't know how to use it. Then maybe, should it even be used at all? Maybe only children would know how to use that kind of power because they aren't consumed by all the things an adult knows. Then again, maybe not.

It was a healthy one. You could tell by the umbilical cord. There were three prongs at the end. Unlike a premature birth, where there would have only been two. A healthy birth indeed.

It was the month of May. Around this time, she'd been seeing quite a few pregnant women. She served three of them just yesterday. Their stomachs bulged with the promise of life cultivating inside. They no longer walked in fluid motions, but rather wobbled side to side. It was a new experience for them. They were scary thought for her.

If presented with a situation where you could choose A or B, which would you choose? Choosing A meant despite what others had to say, this was your experience for yourself- you'd never done anything like this before, and you felt it couldn't hurt to try. You're old enough to make your own decisions now. If you chose B, you heeded the advice of someone you may have talked to, but you would be forfeiting your ability to choose- or would you? Do you think that someone can truly have power over another person? Someone made you angry, but really it was you who decided whether or not you'd let something affect you. You might say something about simple choices, whether or not you want to eat at one place or another. And the other one chooses. Well if you like that place, of course you'll agree. And it'll seem like you let them choose. But if you didn't want that place, maybe you'd have mumbled and they'd go on to offer someplace else.

It's the end of the year, and I haven't realized it yet. There are obvious signs like not being in school anymore, but I haven't really grasped the fact that I'm going to dive into a new city. Not on my own, but it's still an experience that may or may not be gratifying. There are more people than those in your comfort radius. Which makes me excited and terribly frightened. It doesn't seem like a big deal because I'm still going to be in a classroom setting, learning something. It's going to be nice not having seven classes in one day though. Will I be able to make new friends, or will I be clinging too hard? It's rough to admit I won't see everyone like we can now. And soon it's going to cost too much for even weekend getaways. I bought a pair of rollerblades yesterday. I'm pretty excited about them. I will have several opportunities to use them this summer, and even next year at school. Maybe people will know me as the girl on wheels. That's kind of a dumb name, they'll probably say something nicer or a lot more mean. Or maybe they won't care.

PLP is actually a pretty nice place. It used to be a simple building and then a kind of dock. But now it's social events galore. They have a fountain area, then three contained foutains that little kids can swim in like a pool. There's also a nice walkway and plenty of sidewalk to skate...and it's closer than the boardwalk...I think? I should probably count the miles next time.

I'm going to be doing the Honors Program at ULL. I'm excited- hopefully it will help out with financial needs and other things to prepare for grad school. Grad school where, though? Hopefully by that time I will have better prepared myself. It'll be like senior year in high school again. I better not repeat the same mistakes I've made this time around. Grad school in state, out of state? I wouldn't mind out of state, but my pocket (the pockets of others) might mind. And then....what kind of career could I get with my major? First it's computer science. With a concentration in getting a major in Cognitive Studies/Neuroscience.

So, I'm actually going to Nationals for Math Club! I have some pretty amazing friends. Unexpected contributions, but thankful nonetheless. How will I repay them? And not just in the monetary sense. I'm going to be taking a LOT more pictures than I did last year in Tampa. I wish everyone was able to go....I'm upset that one of my friends can't.

So people take senior trips all the time- but besides National Convention, where would I go? There are a few awesome restaurants and hotels that I'd really like to visit.

Also I feel lazier than ever.