“if only you could see”

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(i wrote this on facebook, in the about me section, and i figured it might be more easily read right here, i do hope you enjoy, and if not, oh well, it was too many letters to let go unread.)



oh, so now you want to know about me?

well.

i get bored easily, i enjoy singing and reading and math, and writing and drawing and math, and hanging out with friends and the mall and math, and oh yeah, i enjoy math for some reason, but oddly enough do not wish to pursue a career in math. something more like neuroscience, a major i stumbled upon in my search of wanting to do something more than fill prescription bottles and get paid a lot to help old people form an unhealthy addiction to pain killers.

i think about a lot of things, all at once or sometimes nothing at all, and i think about weird things not just what college to go to or school or grades, but sometimes like when i wash the dishes, i'll think about each piece of silverware and how each one can effectively injure someone, like i was today when i was washing this small curved knife that is probably a peeler, like slowly scraping off someones skin, or maybe using a spoon to scoop out someones eyes, or maybe use a fork, not necessarily the eating kind to stab someone multiple times in the head, hang them upside down from a tree branch and then shower in the blood that is spilling. sounds morbid or strange or not me? but i think about these things, i think and never act, because that is me. to think but not to act.

when i used to go to skate city, i would never fall, i would skate fast enough to enjoy myself, but slow enough to control, and when someone would pass by me very closely, and very quickly, i would feel a heated rush go through me. i can make myself cry whenever i want to. i can also give myself the chills. i like sneezing. especially when i know i have to and i make myself not sneeze. i love to laugh, and when something is funny, i probably laugh too loud for too long.

thinking about getting a scraped knee or some kind of injury gives me the chills. when i get shots and i try not to think about it, i do times tables in my head, the standard one through twelve kind of thing. i also cry. a lot. even before i get my shot, just waiting is unbearable enough.

i have a fear of needles. i am no longer afraid of going upside on roller coasters because i went on one called montu at busch gardens and it was probably the best ride i've ever been on in my whole life, it was so much fun. i will never miss out on the fun again.

speaking of busch gardens, i spent a week in florida doing math and i had the time of my life. i became closer friends with people i didnt know too well, and it was fun. next year is in sacramento, and i will be doing my best as math club president to recruit as many people to go as i can. i assure anyone who is in math club, that it really is a good time, no matter who may or may not be there.