“if only you could see”
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November 2021
a rule of thumb. lighten up.
take everything you know.
flip it inside out.
rip it up.
throw it away.
set it on fire.
bask in the glow.
reminesce.
feel depressed.
cherish the memories.
start all over again.
what is love?
Who am I to say the situation isn't great? 'Cause it's my time to make the most of it, how could I ever know that this would happen to me, not that easy, no..
All along, the fault is up for grabs, why don't you have it, well it's for sale go make your offer, I'll sell it for no less than what I bought it for, pay no more than absolutely zero.Funny how everything changes all of a sudden. Maybe I'm taking it all too seriously. Like a good friend told me, think nothing of it. A dream is a dream. Look to deep, and maybe you'll see what you want. You'll bend it to what you're secretly hoping for. Destruction and desperation. All because of a
dream. And a few misplaced thoughts. They weren't misplaced, I meant to think about them. But I meant to think, and not to despair. I'm moving past it. I will get over it, and I will conquer it. I'm strong. I can handle myself, but much more, I can love. And Love is what I'll do until there's nothing left.
These ramblings are leaving me feeling drained. They make no sense, it's a wonder I'm still writing. Even though this is a blog, I won't disclose certain things because I know there are people who do read. I had a dream that I was pregnant, because I was raped. The rapist was, however, wearing a condom. I didn't see any of the bad part, just knew that I was raped and he used a condom. I was
happy. I was fascinated because I could feel the baby's head through my stomach. I swam in deep water. I ran. I lost my ring twice, but the company made sure it found it's way back to me.
I looked up the meaning of those certains aspects of dream, and they seemed to match all the things I was wondering about. But I'm demented. I wanted to fail. I wanted to despair. But, that's not what I need...I need to love and be loved, and that's what I'm doing right now. At this point, I'm not worried if people are reading. I'm going to pour out my thoughts. If they make it through these paragraphs and run on sentences and all of this nonsense is good for them and me. Maybe I'll get feedback. It's nice to know someone is taking the time to read your thoughts.
A secret audience. Whether you're getting praise, is a different thing entirely.
I can't hope to ever tell HIM the things that are running through my mind. I'm glad that I can tell someone, though. One plus anyone who might be reading. I thank you all.
So that's why I'm apologizing now for telling you I thought that we could make it.Love. Will. Not. Be. Lost. On. Me.
